First of all, THANK YOU!!! to all of you who took the time to comment and encourage me or give me some useful tips on the last blog. Thank you also to all those who wanted to say, “You’ve lost your ever-loving mind,” but refrained from doing so ;). I hope to soon start giving more details about Charlotte Mason’s method, our particular plans to implement her teachings, and some other exciting developments that have been happening around here that aren’t necessarily part of homeschooling but will be a part of our every-day homeschooling lives. When you beg the Lord for direction, get ready to follow when the direction is all new and slightly terrifying!
Second, I do want to apologize for how sporadic I’ve gotten again with my writing. It is not intentional, I hope (because it is certain to happen again) it will never be a permanent disappearance, and you can be sure there are always reasons why I disappear and that I’m frustrated about those reasons. However, I determined a few years back not to apologize and bore everybody with my long list of reasons (that look exactly like your long list of reasons why you aren’t getting to do the things you enjoy doing for yourself). If I do, the blog becomes a continual string of apologies, and I get weary when people do that all the time, don’t you? So here is my apology, to cover the next year or so 😉
I love love. I love people who love big. I love that I have been married for ten years, and still if I sit and think about all the reasons I love Jeremiah, I get an overwhelming urge to try and make him understand just how big the love that swells and pounds in my heart really is. The differences between the me that loved Jeremiah when we were dating and the me that loves Jeremiah now are that I have a deeper, more layered, and superfluous love for him today, AND that when Valentine’s day rolls around and I feel like my opportunity for crazy love has arrived….I am no longer worried that he might break up with me if I show him my crazy.
Despite my desire to show crazy love, this year we (Jeremiah and I) had just gotten back in town from a trip (Woohoo!!) before Valentine’s day hit. I hadn’t had my normal week of mulling and preparation before the day arrived. I also now have two little goblins who have come to expect lots of help preparing for their own day, and I am sure you all can empathize with the difficulty of stepping back into your life with four children after you’ve been away for a time. If you can’t empathize, I will say that it feels a lot like trying to take a delicate sip of water from a fire hydrant. Especially if one member of the clan (sweet Mae girl) vomits on you 2.5 minutes after you walk in the door, and you know there are a few days of sterilizing hands and scrubbing “accidents” ahead of you.
While my love has not dimmed, you can see that my time for amorous shows of my affection has decreased greatly. Every year I try to give myself an out. You can just let it go. He knows you love him. There is no need to come up with a way to show him or anybody else that you love them on Valentine’s Day. I try to give myself permission to be normal… … …But then the day comes upon me and I can’t BEAR to not do SOMETHING. It’s just against how I am made. So, here’s our attempt at a lower-key Valentine’s day: