Hold my Hand More Tightly

Mom is on her way up here this morning to meet with Dr. Austin. I haven’t updated everybody on her condition in a while, and the gist is that she has just finished her 8 chemo treatments and had a CAT scan yesterday. In the meantime, we have gotten some scary inhibin levels (a hormone level that helps the doctors monitor how much cancer is in her body) back… Her level should be below a 5, and at the 4th chemo treatment it was around 740 (an increase from the 600ish level she had before she started treatment). So, the CAT scan was yesterday, and I think it is safe to say we were all a little leery of hearing the results. However, they showed that most of the spots were still the same size, a couple were slightly larger, and a couple were slightly smaller. Not a bad report, but not a really exciting one either. Through all of this, Mom has led us to BELIEVE with her. “The Lord has promised healing,” she says, “now we just have to have faith.” It’s a claim that is easier to say than feel on some days, but the Lord has remained faithful to provide peace.

I was reading Streams in the Desert this morning (an incredible devotion, especially for anybody going through a desert in their life) and it was so powerful to me. I am not going to type out the whole thing, but I at least wanted to share some of my favorite excerpts:

God, who does not lie, promised. Titus 1:2

Faith is not conjuring up, through an act of your own will, a sense of certainty that something is going to happen. No, it is recognizing God’s promise as an actual fact, believing it is true, rejoicing in the knowledge of that truth, and then simply resting because God said it.

I often hear people praying for more faith, but when I listen carefully to them and get to the essence of their prayer, I realize it is not more faith they are wanting at all. What they are wanting is their faith to be changed to sight.

Faith, when walking through the dark with God, only asks Him to hold his hand more tightly.

I just love that last line. It conjures images (for me) of a small child, lost in the dark woods alone, suddenly feeling a strong hand guiding them through. What a beautiful picture of what we all need. We don’t know what course of action Dr. Austin is going to tell Mom she needs to take next. What we do know is that God, who does not lie, promised healing, and while we wait for it, we’re just going to hold His hand more tightly.